"Now, would you mind having someone transport this junk to the cargo bay, it's cluttering up my lab." (96k)
(To hear the Zimmerisms, click on the stars.)
Amelia Earhart is found in the Delta Quadrant, leaving no interesting quotes from the Doctor to say.
Chakotay gets stuck with a young Kazon, and sick bay becomes home to bits of a shuttle...
"Now, would you mind having someone transport this junk to the cargo bay, it's cluttering up my lab." (96k)
The Doctor has a nervous breakdown, but the episode is all his...
"What caused this damage?" That information is not available. "Of course it isn't." (57k)
"Scan the ship for any humanoid lifeforms" There are no humanoid lifeforms aboard this vessel. Well, I'm glad everyone bothered to say goodbye." (112k)
"Well, it's bigger than I thought" - he finally sees the Bridge... (38k)
I'm fine now. The question is, are you? "Me?" You're bleeding. "Bleeding? That's impossible. I'm not programmed to bleed." Maybe you should check your program. (55k)
"EMH Program AK-1 Diagnostic and Surgical Subroutine Omega-323. Check the database and you'll find it." Specified program does not exist. (109k)
"Well then, who is the Chief Medical Officer on board this ship?" The Chief Medical Officer of USS Voyager is Dr. Lewis Zimmerman. "Lewis Zimmerman, yes, he was the engineer who created my program. I understand he resembles me, but he's not on Voyager. He's at the Jupiter Station Holoprogramming Center." (215k)
"Something's very wrong." (16k)
"Computer, what happened to Captain Janeway, Lieutenant Torres, Mr. Neelix, and the Kazon?" All holographic simulations were discontinued. "Simulations? Computer, I'm talking about real people." (171k)
"This is ridiculous. There must be something wrong." (54k)
"What are you saying? That I'm a real person?" Well, I always used to think of you that way. I know your wife tends to think... "My wife?" (112k)
Look, Doctor, it's very important that you believe me. You're losing your sense of identity. You're starting to think that you're part of the program and that's, that's not good. It's called HTDS. Holo-Transference Dementia Syndrome. "So now I'm having a psychotic episode." No. Yes. (215k)
Destroy the ship. "Destroy the ship? Destroy Voyager?" (55k)
"First of all, I don't even know how to destroy the ship. Second of all, I wouldn't do it even if I could. And third, how do I know you're not an alien intruder, trying to trick me into killing everyone?" Well, those are good questions. (139k)
Who the hell are you? "Did I program Mr. Paris to be so annoying?" Actually I programmed him. I modeled him after my cousin, Frank. "Computer, delete Paris." (159k)
"No, I don't believe you. None of this is real. It's all a delusion. Somebody help me!" I am helping you. (60k)
And do you know what you are? "Yes, I'm the Emergency Medical Holographic Program. Right?" Right. (135k)
(You don't think I went a little overboard on that episode, do you? I have more...)
Aliens surround the ship causing Kes's reproductive process to speed up, and the Doctor takes the place of her father...
"Her unusual appetite may merely indicate a nutrient deficiency. It is not unusual for humanoids to crave foods that are rich in the very vitamins and minerals that their bodies are lacking." You can't mean my body lacks dirt. (142k)
"This is my sick bay and I will decide what goes on here." But... "Get out!" (43k)
"She's keeping me out of my own office." (26k)
Harry finds himself back on Earth in an alternate timeline, and the Doctor's not there.
Voyager gets weird — ever notice how the senior officers are always together, even when off duty?...
"I am a doctor, not a bartender."(15k)
Doc? "Ensign Kim, I was just, uh..." Playing Doctor. (70k)
"I'm not programmed to play games." (22k)
"You see these hands? These are surgeon's hands, created by the most sophisticated computer imaging technology available. They do not play games and they do not mop floors." Then you are fired. I will find a new bartender. "I really wish you would." (159k)
Tom and Neelix go together to Planet Hell, and the Doc has already realized that both are in love with Kes...
"I am a doctor, not a voyeur." (26k)
"I'm sorry. It's in my program. I see something wrong, I must attempt to diagnose it." There are some things you can't cure. (72k)
His suspicions about Tom are completely unjustified. "Are they? Lieutenant Paris's affection for you is obvious." What do you mean? "I mean he desires you." (126k)
"Whenever you walk into the room, his respiration increases, his pupils dilate, and the color of his ears turns decidedly orange. Until I noticed the pattern I thought he was suffering from Tanzian flu. It's there for anyone to see." (131k)
"Your world must have very dry literature." (46k)
Harry's tinkering shrinks the Doctor again, just before a telepathic alien starts messing with the crew...
"Well this is certainly a brilliant feat of engineering." (70k)
"I've checked Starfleet regulations. The Chief Medical Officer outranks the Captain in health matters. Now I realize this may be the first time a hologram has given an order to a captain but, I'm ordering you to report to the holodeck, now." Aye, sir. (167k)
"And the two of you can get busy undoing this ridiculous blunder of yours." (52k)
Chakotay finds aliens who are connected to his past, and the Doctor programs himself to learn what it's like to be sick...
"Every member of this crew is an adult. I will not coddle them. Compassion can be your department. Fortunately, you have enough for both of us." (87k)
"I don't have a life. I have a program." (38k)
Computer, active the Emergency Medical Holographic program. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." I thought we changed your program so you wouldn't have to say that anymore. "We did, but I became so uncomfortable trying to find new ways to break the ice, as it were, that I restored it. Let's just say it works for me." (222k)
Doc, I don't feel so good. "Neither do I, and you don't hear me complaining." (47k)
What seems to be the problem? "My simulated virus is leading me to a simulated death." It's nothing to worry about. I just added a couple of hours to his computer program. He'll be fine in about 45 minutes. Knowing when it would end didn't exactly make it a fair test, did it Doctor? (222k)
A colony of Ocampa are found, along with the female Caretaker...
"You'd think a Vulcan would be more attuned to punctuality." (25k)
Chakotay goes after a stolen transporter, and Seska. No quotes for the Doc.
The Captain finds herself in the care of an old man who thinks that she is his daughter. No Doctor again.
B'Elanna tries to save the life a robot, then gets kidnapped by others of his kind...
"I shouldn't have to remind you, I'm a doctor..." Not an engineer. Right. (38k)
"That's exactly what I was going to suggest." (24k)
The Kazon are back again, and so are their arch-enemies, the Trabe. No memorable lines for the Doctor.
Tom breaks the rules of physics and travels at warp 10, evolves into a newt, and kidnaps the Captain for company...
"From what I can tell, he's just asleep." Can you wake him? "I don't see why not. Wake up, Lieutenant!" (113k)
"Well, I'm glad you had a good time." (35k)
"You're not going anywhere, at least, not for a few hours. I have some tests I'd like to run on Your Majesty before I release you back into the realm of ordinary humans." You may proceed. (140k)
"It looks like he's having an allergic reaction. What did he ingest?" Just a cup of Neelix's coffee. "It's a miracle he's still alive." (94k)
Someone is murdered on Voyager, and we learn how much the Doctor hates Vulcan mind melds...
"All of us have violent instincts. We have evolved from predators. Well, not me, of course. I've just been programmed by you predators." (81k)
"Vulcan mind melds. Utter foolishness. Anybody with an ounce of sense wouldn't share his brain with someone else. Would you? I certainly wouldn't. And of course, when something goes wrong, and believe me it does more often than they'd like to admit, the first thing they call out is Doctor!" (204k)
B'Elanna's reprogrammed weapon is in the Delta Quadrant, and Ensign Wildman considers names for her baby...
"Choosing a name is no easy matter. I speak from experience." (38k)
"I've reviewed historical, literary, and anthropological databases from over 500 worlds and have yet to find a suitable name. However, I may want to give some thought to Grescrendreck." (120k)
If you like Benaran, there's no reason you can't use it too. I'm sure she won't mind. "Won't mind that I just usurped her baby's name the moment I heard it? Thank you, but no thank you." (112k)
Two Qs are on board, one wants to die, and the other wants to kill him. The Doctor only appears in the last scene.
The Doctor is center stage once again, as he falls in love with a Vidiian...
"I'm the Chief Medical Officer of the Federation Starship Voyager." (32k)
"Why are you crying? I thought you'd be pleased." (42k)
You mean you're a...? "I'm this ship's emergency medical holographic program." You're a computer simulation? "An incredibly sophisticated computer simulation." (104k)
What did you say your name was? "I don't have a name. It wasn't part of my original program." (79k)
"I was activated on stardate 48308. Since that time, I've performed 347 medical exams, healed 11 compound fractures, performed 3 appendectomies, and in my greatest feat of medical prowess, I once cured Mr. Neelix of an acute case of the hiccups." (176k)
"Several clinical studies have shown humor to be very therapeutic. Consider it part of your treatment." (51k)
"Dr. Schmullus, I think I like the sound of that." - what was he thinking? (57k)
"By the way Denara, I've been meaning to tell you. I'm romantically attracted to you and wanted to know if you felt the same way." (58k)
"Mr. Paris, I assume you've had a great deal of experience being rejected by women." Thanks a lot, Doc. (70k)
Where are we exactly? "On a planet called Mars, inside a primitive land-based vehicle. It's called a 57 Chevy." (84k)
"I was never afraid to touch you." Why? Because you're a Doctor? "Because I love you." (65k)
"Listen to me, nothing could ever change the way I feel about you." (34k)
"Well before you, I was just a projection of photons held together by force fields. A computerized physician, doing a job. Doing it exceptionally well, of course, but still, it was just a profession, not a life." (139k)
Tom leaves the ship, Neelix becomes a journalist, and the Doctor is offered a part on a morning show...
"I'm a doctor, not a performer." (19k)
This time there really are two Voyagers (no mirror trickery), with one destroying the other, Harry dies, and Samantha Wildman finally gives birth...
Our baby. "A figure of speech. I am in part responsible for bringing her into the world. You may hold her now." (87k)
"I'm not surprised. I am programmed to be heroic when the need arises." (49k)
Tuvok is stranded with three little kids, aliens visit sick bay...
"Ah visitors. Welcome to sick bay. I'm the Chief Medical Officer." (54k)
"We don't often receive such distinguished guests here, unless there's been some sort of accident. I'm sure nothing unfortunate will happen to you on your visit here, but if it did, you can rest assured, you will find yourself in very capable hands." (144k)
Thank you, Doctor...? "I'm afraid it's just, Doctor." (41k)
An evil clown traps crewmembers in a computer simulation, and only the Doctor can help them...
"Excuse me, you're not holding that properly. Correct positioning of the index finger is necessary for optimal dexterity." (78k)
"For now, suffice it to say that I am here by a miracle of technology." (32k)
How am I supposed to negotiate if I don't know what you're thinking? "I have a very trustworthy face." (55k)
Could you possibly repair it? "Possibly, yes. Would Mr. Kim still be able to hold his clarinet when I was done? Possibly." (81k)
There is no way an artificial intelligence can replace actual brain functions. "I'll choose not to take that personally, Lieutenant." (74k)
"My sweet captain has a new offer to make." (26k)
Well, you certainly know how to bring a party to a halt. "I don't get out very much." (75k)
Tuvok and Neelix and a flower become one in a transporter accident, and the Doc has to separate them...
"If I may, Captain, Mr. Tuvix..." Tuvix? "Apparently, that's what he likes to be called." (70k)
"He also possesses Tuvok's irritating sense of intellectual superiority, and Neelix's annoying ebullience. I would be very grateful to you if you would assign him some duty, any duty, somewhere else." (167k)
"But I won't lie to you, I'm not optimistic." (31k)
"I'm sorry Captain. I'm a physician and a physician must do no harm." (61k)
Janeway and Chakotay are stranded together on a planet where they will die if they leave. The Doctor gets to speak to Denara again, but has no memorable lines.
The Kazon peck away at Voyager like ducks, and they are left stranded on a volcanic planet...
"Captain, I hesitate to offer suggestions in a field of endeavor that is not within my usual area of expertise." Please, Doctor, your suggestions on any subject are always welcome. "Really? In that case, you may expect several more on a variety of matters in the near future." (145k)
"I would humbly submit that my program is far more sophisticated than your run-of-the-mill hologram." (48k)
"Any Tom, Dick, or Harry from the Alpha Quadrant, I could probably help you, but not with any of the new species of the Delta Quadrant." (61k)
"Help! Man Overboard!" - can we all say: No one can hear you scream in space? (78k)
"I told you, we should have run one last systems check." (40k)
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