"Tricorder... Medical Tricorder." (86k)
(To hear the Zimmerisms, click on the stars.)
Voyager sets out on a simple mission to the badlands, and ends up in the Delta Quadrant. The Emergency Medical Holographic Doctor's complaints begin immediately after he is activated...
"Tricorder... Medical Tricorder." (86k)
"That's enough. This is a Sick Bay not a Conference Room. Visiting hours are over. Everyone except my patient is to leave immediately." Computer, end medical holographic program. (146k)
An anomaly creates two Voyagers, sort of, and causes the Doctor to shrink...
"Sick bay to Captain Janeway." Yes Doctor? "May I request you monitor input 47, your Emergency Medical Holograph Channel." (113k)
"And by the way, I am now 68 centimeters shorter. I'd appreciate it if someone would repair my holographic projectors before I have trouble reaching my patients." (104k)
Janeway and Paris find themselves a day in the past, the Doctor tries to figure out what's going on...
"Either your government failed to transmit the Standard 15-501 Crew Personnel Report, or somebody at Starfleet Medical really fouled up." (79k)
"And no one asked you for your medical histories when you arrived? Of course not. That would be the ship's doctor's job. My job. If anyone had bothered to tell me about new passengers. But I seem to be the last to know just about everything around here." (175k)
"So, tell me, just how many other new arrivals are there?" Just us. And the crew from another ship that was destroyed. "Another crew. That's nice." (125k)
"The captain is missing." - The Doctor does his Kirk imitation (35k)
"Seems I found myself on the voyage of the damned." (36k)
"You have a lovely brain. It will make a fine addition to our files." (54k)
Neelix has a severe case of the hiccups...
"The man drives a 700,000 ton starship so somebody thinks he'd make a good medic." (61k)
"I didn't design the room, I just work here." (35k)
"I'm a doctor, not a decorator." - The first McCoy impression (25k)
"First they tell me there's no doctor, so I have to be on call 24 hours a day. And then they tell me there are no nurses, so I have no one to assist me." I thought Tom Paris was assigned to you. "Like I said, no one to assist me." (154k)
Voyager invades a cloud-sized lifeform, and the Doctor understands their situation better than anyone...
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." Why do you always have to say that? (51k)
"I can only speculate about my programmer's motives. Perhaps he thought I might be summoned for important reasons?" (63k)
"Now there's an interesting concept, a hologram that programs himself. What would I do with that ability? Create a family? Raise an army?" (88k)
"If you don't like the doctor's attitude, there's a man sitting at a console in the Jupiter Station Holoprogramming Center you can write to. His name is Zimmerman. He looks a lot like me actually." (97k)
The key to the whole series: "A nebula? What were we doing in a nebula? No wait, don't tell me. We were investigating. That's all we do around here. Why pretend we're going home at all? All we're going to do is investigate every cubic millimeter of this quadrant, aren't we?" (150k)
"Let's see. You ran your ship through it, fired phasers at it, and blew a hole in it with a photon torpedo. I'd say it's a pretty good chance that you..." Computer, mute audio. (108k)
Harry finds a wormhole leading to Romulan space, and the Doctor speaks out for his rights...
"Let's just say I've become accustomed to being treated like a hypospray." (46k)
"If there's one thing you can count on, it's that I am the last to be told about anything that happens on this ship." (55k)
"Lieutenant, I am the chief medical officer of this ship. If you have something to say to me, please direct the statement to me." (81k)
Tom is accused of murder, the Doctor starts getting personal with Kes, and why he doesn't have a name yet...
"I'm programmed with over five million possible treatments, with contingency programs and adapted programs. But it's all programs upon programs upon programs. There's no independent decision making." (141k)
So pick a name. "Just pick one?" (42k)
Harry ends up on a strange planet has to die to get back to Voyager. Sadly, the Doctor has no great lines in this episode.
Voyager meets a race with the ability to move 40,000 light years in an instant, but they won't help. The Doc's not in this episode at all.
Turns out there's a Bajoran crewmember with Cardassian physiology aboard. No great lines for the Doc.
The Doctor goes on his first away mission, to the Holodeck recreation of Beowulf — Vikings and Monsters and Sky, oh my...
"Nervous? I can perform emergency surgery without getting nervous. I can make life or death decisions about patients without getting nervous. What makes you think I'm nervous?" (122k)
"I can describe every detail of every piece of equipment in this sick bay from biobed to neural stimulator. But I've never even seen a sky, or a forest, let alone Vikings and monsters. I can't afford to fail, but I don't know what to expect in that holodeck." (227k)
What is your name? "I'm glad you asked. My name is Schweitzer. Dr. Schweitzer." (83k)
You are truly a man of many talents, Lord Schweitzer. Your people must value you greatly. "You would think so." (75k)
Chakotay loses his mind, literally, as it floats around the ship and possesses several crewmembers...
"You might have asked before adorning my sick bay with animal remains." (50k)
"You've placed the coyote stone at the crossroads of the fifth and sixth realms, which would divert Commander Chakotay's soul, that is, his consciousness, into the mountains of the Antelope women, according to his tradition, an extremely attractive locale. He might not want to leave." (185k)
"Mr. Neelix, Just because a man changes his drink order doesn't mean he's possessed by an alien." (47k)
"I'm just pointing out that you're acting a little paranoid. In fact, one could say you're acting a little too paranoid." (89k)
Captured by Vidiians, B'Elanna is split into two people, one Klingon, one Human. Chakotay goes in as a Vidiian to rescue them. No great lines for the Doctor.
Neelix may be infected with a fatal disease, and the Doc turns himself off, just to show someone else how...
"Computer, override command 1-EMH-alpha and end program." (62k)
The star of the show is a clump of cheese...
"Ah-ha." What? "The patient is sick." Can you be more specific? (85k)
"To discuss the patient's condition in front of the patient would be a serious breach of professional etiquette." (55k)
"It's been suggested that I cultivate a greater sensitivity to my patients' needs. Don't worry, my little friend." (77k)
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