Early Hour Philosophy
- The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage before you burn.
- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If "clothes maketh the man" then it follows that naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving to where you can't find them.
- The law of Probability Dispersal decrees that whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.
- The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
- Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
- If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind to blame.
- One-seventh of life is spent on Monday.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- This is as bad as it can get -- but don't bet on it.
- Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty but only the pig enjoys it.
- The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
- Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish.
- We can sympathize with a child who is afraid of the dark, but the tragedy of life is that most people are afraid of the light.
- If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens?
- Employ teenagers - while they know everything.
- The best antiques are old friends.
- Down with gravity!
- Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...!
- People who eat natural foods die from natural causes.
- Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
- Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.
- Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind then it really doesn't matter.
- A friend in need may turn out to be a nuisance.
- When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.
- An expert is nothing more than an ordinary person away from home.
- If you can't be kind, be vague.
© Copyright 1998-2010 Banai Lynn Feldstein
Last updated: 9 January 2004
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